I don't know what to do anymore

Dear Diary,
Hey long time no see right? yeah been a bit too addicted to Heroes of Newerth lately. Not to mention the fact that exams are coming soon and my guitar exam this Friday (wish me luck) and the Malay IGCSE that just passed. NO MORE MALAY!!! YAYYYYY!!! Ok anyway i just started Taekwondo sparring training yesterday. Gosh my life is so busy now :( hard to fit anything into my timetable. =/
Anyway you know I'm so confused now. You know that part of every person's life where they tumble into confusion and don't know who their real friends are or something like that? yeah that exactly. So its a short post i know and i owe you a long one after so long but I've got a headache not feeling too well so bye! :)

IT RETURNS.

Dear Diary,
Today, on my bed, at 9.30+ i felt my most dry tears fall from my eyes. Nothing personal, but its the people in this school in particular. Every guy is screwed up. Maybe its just because we're in secondary. But I really don't care. I can't live with this any longer and still force IT under control. I know for sure any moment now, I will pop, easier than bubble. Why dry tears? Because its not tears from sadness. THOSE ARE TEARS OF RAGE AND HATRED. and that's dangerous. especially in my case. I just got it under control last year, I don't want it to overwhelm me again. What would be the point in living, if i reach level 5? I think I'd be better off dead.
You know every day of my life I have to fake that smile, act optimistic, but inside I'm really just falling apart, crashing down, dying that bit more every single day. But really, who cares? As far as I'm concerned, no one. no one ever bothers with me. I'm just another person in Garden's. But living the life I have so far, this is like daily vitamin. I've been hated, discriminated,denied,betray,tossed aside......Its been there all the time never once a break. Like every freaking person on Earth hates me or something.
Maybe I'll just let it out. Let it make them pay. Teach them a lesson. I've been holding back so far. If I let it out, u screwed up people wouldn't stand a chance.Rage would drive me crazy. More insane than i have ever been.